Introduction

There have been hundreds of great books written about Spain by people who are far more intelligent and insightful than I am (Amazon shows over 300,000 results for a "Spain" search). Part of the reason for this is that the country seems to reinvent itself every ten years.

I'm not going to pretend to be an expert about Spanish history, but I am going to attempt to describe the modern Spain that I experience through unfiltered eyes and untrained ears.

I arrived in January 2009 to stay with a family in the center of Madrid. The abuela of the family has been a very good friend of my grandfather (who she frequently refers to as my father) for many years. Because of this relationship, she has decided that it is her duty to treat me as she would her own son, except that I can barely understand her and she can barely understand me. One of the most common and comprehensible communications that I recieve from her is when she yells "NO NO NO NEVER NEVER NEVER!" at me when I incorrectly attemt to accomplish something.

The most recent example was when I tried to fry an egg (a task which I normally accomplish with very little drama). Apparently, in Spain, frying an egg over easy is a sin that sends you to the deepest depths of hell. Abuela was washing a dish in the sink when she saw me, out of the corner of her eye (I've never met another person for whome the old "eyes in the back of her head" addage is more appropraite) flip my egg over. In a flash she had dropped her dish and appeared at my side. I held my breath, bracing myself for the storm:

"NO NO NO YOU MUST NEVER! NEVER! NEVER DO THIS!!!!"

My favorite part of these interactions is that I don't really know what to say to her. Do I ask if there is something wrong with the eggs in Spain whereas they become deadly poison when they are flipped over? "No entiendo". Do I try to explain that I prefer them cooked this way in the States (the most reasonable response, but unfortunately even this simple sentence is difficult for me to convey at this point), or do I tell her to chill the fuck out and mind her own business? I don't know much about etiquitte, but it seems a bit inpolite to curse at an old lady who has opened her home to you.

My typical reaction, and the one I followed in the above scenario, is to wait out the Spanish rant until she gives up on me and allows me to continue in peace. For the most part, she doesn't care what I do. She simply feels an obligation to act like a caretaker and attempt to teach me the "Spanish" way of doing things. At the end of the day I appreciate her concern, but her dramatic delivery can be overwhelming.